(an 8min read)

Have you ever wondered who you truly are or why your life turned out the way it has or how you got to where you are? I have—many times. Years ago, I asked in devastation and despair; more recently, in awe and wonder; and sometimes still in confusion and disappointment.

Maybe you're new to the Living Beautifully Initiative, maybe you're not but either way if you're reading this I believe there is something in it for you! I invite you to still yourself, open up your heart and mind and receive all that you can from it, let this not just be “one more thing" you consume. We really dont need more information, we need integration and action to have any hope for transformation.

You ready?

My path has been a long, hard, and painfully broken road. Overcoming childhood trauma and raised in a religious culture focused on rules, roles and performance, I’ve struggled with deep rooted shame for much of my life. I've battled anxiety and depression to the point of hospitalization. I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression, and PMDD. I also endured two volatile marriages and divorces which lead to my ultimate breakdown/breakthrough nine years ago.

At some point you get sick and tired of being sick and tired and realize the change you're longing for is up to you. At the time, I looked around and saw a bunch of “normies," aka people who lived "normal" lives. They all had "normal" marriages and "normal" families and achieved "normal" accomplishments, worked “normal” jobs and had all the "normal" things that "normal" people had... everything worked out "normal" for them, and I was flat out far from normal. I felt like a wreck with a curse upon her head. I often wondered how I could ever live a “normal” life when it felt like the odds were stacked against me. My life felt like one big failure after another, and all seemed hopeless until one winter’s evening in 2015 I felt a tug on my heart inviting me into something more.

Something had to change. I couldn't do what I had been doing, it wasn't working. I remembered how Jesus spoke about "abundant life," but all I had known was “steal, kill, and destroy.” A conviction for "the more" ignited within me that night,  I realized I needed to learn how to live the "abundant life" Jesus taught about and was inviting me into. Thus began my journey of living beautifully.

I will say it didn't feel very beautiful at first, in fact I call my early days “The Journey of Unbecoming.” Every day felt like demolition day. It was a different type of death though, it was a metamorphic type of death, one that was leading to new life.

As I shed layers of labels and limitations, I discovered a new way of living, revealing an ever-refining version of my true self—whole-hearted and genuinely free. With time I found myself no longer needing the prescribed medication because I was no longer plagued by the “disabilities” I had been diagnosed with. I had overcome and was overcoming and now a passion sparked within me to help other women learn to live in this "not normal" way. Though I once longed for the "normal" life I now realize that "normal" is soul crushing at worst and underwhelming at best.

It's "normal" to worry and live with anxiety. It's "normal" to be medicated for diseases or disabilities. It's "normal" to go to church Sunday morning and forget all about the message by Sunday evening. It's "normal" to live self-absorbed lives focused on preserving our own kingdoms. It's normal to judge and fear and condemn what we don't understand. It’s normal to hoard our wealth while we watch others be struck by poverty. It’s normal to struggle with the same thing in the same way year after year after year after year. It's normal for marriages to end in divorce and families to break apart. It's normal to sleep walk through life, operating on autopilot. It's normal to be stuck in survival mode, overwhelmed, over-busy, overstimulated. It’s normal to leave people on read and not respond to text messages or phone calls. It’s normal to feel scattered, being masters of multitasking but fully present for nothing and no one.

I’ve come to learn that what has become normal is far from natural, for if it were natural to live in these normal ways individuals, relationships and society would be less sick and more sound.

I read a quote in a magazine years ago which I clipped and glued onto a prayer board that I have hanging in my room. Some people call them vision boards or prophetic boards, but this quote says "a creative life is never normal."

We were not birthed into this world to live "normal" lives but creative ones. We are not designed to conform ourselves into man made boxes or the standards of society, religion, family or any other type of sub-culture. We are here to radiate our own unique and authentic expression of the Divine in this world and illuminate the path for others to find their own wholeness and freedom, in Christ.

We are not made to keep up with the Jones' or the Kardashians, but to keep to the path and pace God has pre-ordained for our lives. We were meant for super-natural living. We were made for paradise; a place of love, intimacy, purpose, peace, rest,  joy, awe and wonder.

One of my biggest frustrations in recent years has been just how deep in denial so many women are when it comes to their own wholeness and freedom. It's hard to help someone whose soul sick when they are denial about their reality. There is an extreme lack of self awareness in our society and this is not 'Tanya's opinion." An article in Forbes reported that according to sudies done, 95% of people consider themselves to be self-aware when only 15% actually are. You can listen to a living beautifully podcast episode on self-awareness, part one of two, here.

Though we all have blind spots (hello, that's why we need one another) and our natural, base level, inclinaiton is to live on autopilote, or subconciously, I believe a huge reason for the amount of lack of self awarenss in our culture is due to our lack of stillness and silence. Our inability to just be. In this media driven, compulsively consumeristic, comfort satiating, overly offendable modern world we live in, we’ve lost the art of contemplation, self-reflection and self-confrontation. It's normal to be busy and distracted. It's normal to complain about anything and everything. It's normal to cancel anything or anyone from your life that confronts something within yourself. It's normal to need to "check out" from time to time. Sadly, I've realized that very few women know how to check in with themselves. I didnt know how to, I had to learn how engage in contemplation in a way that refined and aligned me, and I'm a naturally deep thinking and feeling, contemplative soul, God wired me this way.

My sister, if we're being real (and are we ever anything but real here?) Jesus didn't model this fast paced, productivity driven, comfort seeking, image managing, accomplishment focused, cancel culture, strving type of life. He lived a slow paced life, practice a lot of solitude, was never rushed and never checked out, but often checked in.

Jesus was fully aware of God and others because he was fully aware of himself.

Jesus taught us that the most valuable thing we have, in this world, is our soul.  It's SO valuable, in fact, that Jesus became the living sacrifice, giving up his own life, so that our souls would be able to receive salvation, prosperity and eternal life. If our souls are as valuable as Jesus says, why are we so disconnected from our own souls and unable to be still and present with ourselves?

How did we get here?

It's not only time to wake up, it's time to get moving. There is good work to be done. There's a difference between busy work and good work. Good work is soul work and produces eternal fruit, and everything else in our lives and reltionships flows from there.

I get it, it's not easy! If it were easy it would be normal.

For many years now I’ve felt a stirring, in the depths of my belly, for a company of women to arise, shake off the shackles of normalcy and pursue the soul prosperity that is available to all who will prioritize, pursue, tend to and receive it.

Maybe you’ve been asking yourself “how did I get here?” Maybe you're realizing just how much of a distracted life you're living, how scattered you are, how focused on busy work you’ve become, how much time you spend in auto pilot or maybe, like I was, you're stuck in survival mode. Where you find yourself, I want you to know there is hope and there is more.

Once I began to embody this new way of living, I began to work with women recovering from life-controlling issues and then went on to work with high-risk youth in group homes. I continued to grow and learn and watched as these soul care practices really did have the power to transform lives! Renew the mind, guard the heart... it works if you know how to work it! The how is the part we get wrong, if we're even trying at all.

When the world shut down in 2020, God opened a door for me to walk with a woman from across the country through her own journey. Four years later, Living Beautifully has transformed the lives of women worldwide through coaching, workshops, group courses, and free resources. I am convinced, now more than ever, that we don’t have to settle for normal. We don’t have to stay as we are, or where we are. There is so much more available than what “normal” attempts to appease us with.

I am still learning and growing, I like to joke that I'm only 40 and I still have more than half of my lifes lessons to learn, but I refuse to settle for anything less than what life can be, what Jesus paid the ultimate price to make your and my destiny. To claim to be his, but settle for normal is to take his name in vain and spit upon the blood stained cross.

I know, that's a bold statemtent, even for myself. I'm coming back from a few months of respite with a resounding cry calling out to the weary, discouraged, anxious, angry, broken, lost, disconnected, and bound. Will you join me on this journey? Maybe you've already worked with me and are living your life beautifuly, will you actively and intentionally link arms with me, partner with this initiative and add to the momentum! There is an army waiting to arise, a bride yearning to awaken.

It's all about soul prosperity and it begins with personal responsibility.

In a world that is constantly dangling shiny things in front of us, promising a better life, the truth is the beautiful lives we long for sprout from our souls. It's time that a generation of women learn to tend to the garden of our souls, so that we can live the beautiful, powerful and prosperous lives we long for and radiate the ultimate glory our Maker deserves.

It doesn't matter where you may find yourself on life's journey, what matters is where do you go from here?!

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

I challenge you to share this post with 2-3 friends, coworkers, family members, any woman that you know who is needing the hope, encouragement and resources it holds. Consider this a battle cry, are you with me?!

I invite you to subscribe to the living beautifully blog, podcast and monthly news letter. I'm not concerned so much with consistency of content as I am quality, so by subscribing, you’ll get a notification when I do post. Please know that just because I don’t post "all the time" does not mean I'm not serious or devoted to this call. I'm just trying to moving forward in my own authentic way and need to feel Divinely lead. I'm not a content machine, I'm a co-creator. I don't want to add to the noise, I long to be a peacemaker.

If you're a Sacramento local, I invite you to join our Monthly Sisters Circle. The Luna Group is a sacred space to connect with, be challenged/encouraged by and champion other women who are learning to cultivate soul prosperity and live in the fullness of life. Limited space is available, so please register. If you're interested in more information please reach out to me, personally.

If you're really hungry for the more, as I was, join a Flourish Group and walk with a cohort of women, virtually, through four months of practical Soul Care healing and transformational coaching.

I'm also excited to announce the Living Beautifully Collaborative. This will be a monthly and in person Sisters Circle focused on birthing the call of God in your life. This is for women who have already done the inner work and are now looking outwards with longing to fulfill their assignment. This group is for women who are in their refining and launching process, so you are not expected to be an expert to join.

And, if you really want to dig deep, I am currently taking on a limited amount of one on one clients to walk with more intimately and this is also virtual making it availble to women everywhere! Please connect with me if you're interested in investing in yourself in this way.

There is truly something for every woman here, the only excuses or limitations you have come from within yourself.

I have a client I’ve been walking with, one on one, for a year now. She’s in her launching phase and as we reflect on where she was at a year ago, what her journey looked like and the reality she is currently living in… it is overwhelming to see the amount of transformation, inner strength, peace, hope and steadiness this young woman has learnt to walk in. I am SO proud of her! At the same time, it causes me to reflect on other women who were exploring the idea of working with me at the same time she got started, and sadly, as far as I know, many of them are still struggling with the same things, in the same way. A year can change everything, but nothing changes if nothing changes.

Lastly, I officially released our first digital course. If you’re looking for a simply way to begin to practice stillness and self reflection (this is where self-awareness grows) a great place to begin is with the Radiant You Digital Course.

This was originally an intensive I lead 33 women through, from four different countries, in January 2024 and had amazing fruit and testimonies come from it. I reformatted it to make it less intensive and more accessible and now you can take these 31 Soul Care Activations and experience them at your own pace, one a day, one a week, it's your choice!

Whatever you chose to do, as this post comes to an end, I ask you to do something!

Don’t just move onto the next blog or activity of your day, engage in some way! Please don’t let the ripples stop at you, be part of this movement!