With the new year upon us, I couldn’t let it pass without addressing the topic of New Year’s resolutions.

Why? Because many people make resolutions only to break them, which undermines healthy self-esteem, while others avoid making them altogether, often due to repeated "failed attempts" in the past. As someone deeply passionate about personal growth—both my own and that of the women I support—I am convinced that New Year’s resolutions do more harm than good, especially for women. As women, the new year is a cyclical and transitional time that can benefit us in creating meaningful shifts that lead to beautiful and lasting expansion in our lives.  But, if we attempt to set any "resolutions" the energy required to drive ourselves towards the desired outcome ultimately disconnects us from our innate feminine strength. 

The goal is neither to set New Years resolutions nor to ignore this pivotal time. The goal is to engage this season in a way that nurtures our femininity and inspires genuine and sustainable transformation through the entire year to come. It's my hope that this post encourages and equips you towards that purpose! 

Before we dig in, indulge me as we take a quick pulse on the status quo. Did you know that:

• 23% of people who set New Year’s resolutions quit by the end of the first week of January. (I’ve been there!)
• 43% quit by the end of January.
• 62% of people who make resolutions do so because they feel pressured to, and most of them are women.
• The percentage of people making resolutions decreases with age.
• 79% of resolutions revolve around physical health: exercise, diet, or weight loss.

And here’s something to take note of: only about 8% of people who set new years resolutions actually achieve them. If I had to assume, I’d guess most of that 8% are men. (Hear me out before you cancel me—I am in the business of empowering women after all!)

The point is, New Year’s resolutions don’t work for most people, and the majority of people aren't even setting any for themselves. As I shared, I fully believe that New Years resolutions cause more harm than good, simply consider the fact that the older we get, the fewer of us chose to set them. Could defeatism play a role in this cyclical display of apathy?

It's sad though because a new year is a beautiful transitional time to reflect on the past year, release what needs to be released and set some fresh, forward focused intentions. Living in rhythms of renewal is key to living beautiful and new years is a perfect time to practice this. 

As someone dedicated to personal growth and transformation, while also helping others navigate their own, I want to offer a different, more sustainable approach—one that aligns with a woman’s natural rhythms, essence, and needs. But before we explore that, let's take a look at why, resolutions are all too often unsustainable.

Why Resolutions Fail

1. Psychological Point of View

The brain resists drastic change and defaults to established habits. In my Habits, Goals and Self-Sabotage Workshop I teach in more depth about the comfort, growth and panic zones. New Year’s resolutions often push us into the “panic zone,” where the brain and body experience stress and overwhelm. This triggers resistance—or what we often reference as “self-sabotage” and we quickly retreat back into the comfort zone. Too much change too soon shocks the system and is unsustainable. 

Resolutions also rely heavily on willpower, which is an exhaustible resource. Over time, willpower fades, especially when we’re tired or stressed. It's important to also consider the fact that willpower does not address the deeper emotional needs driving our behaviors. Often, the habits we’re trying to change serve a subconscious  emotional purpose attached to a deep core belief, and without addressing those, we either revert to the old habits or replace them with a new but equally unhelpful one.

It's important to add that self-discipline is ultimately about self-teaching and less about controlling the self. Growth and transformation are journeys of discovery, especially for women who are connected to (or desiring to nurture) their femininity, so let's explore a more feminine approach together. 

2. Spiritual Point of View

In my Feminine Mystique Workshop we dive deep into the differences between masculine and feminine energy. This is a topic I am passionate about because we live in a post-feminist world and the reality is most women are disconnected from their feminine essence and this is one of the reasons why so many women are dissatisfied in life and love. From a spiritual perspective, I believe resolutions pull us into our masculine energy—an energy of striving, forcing, and rigid goal-setting focused solely on outcomes and driven by results. While masculine energy has its place, as women, over-reliance on it disconnects us from our feminine essence and power, which is rooted in flow, intuition, presence, compassion and adaptability. This disconnect can lead to exhaustion, overwhelm, dissatisfaction, and even physical, emotional, mental or relational dis-ease in our lives. 

When we are "driving ourselves" to make changes in our lives we are functioning from a place of masculine strength while detaching from our innate feminine power. This requires much more energy and effort than if we would learn to lean into our softness, because that is where a woman's strength is found. Setting goals or having desired outcomes is not the issue, the issue is how we are approaching the goal. As women, there is a better way, one that feels lighter and much more enjoyable to experience as we create the transformation we aspire towards. 

A New Way Forward

An approach to transformation that nurtures the feminine spirit is one tapped into in the cyclical rhythm of reflection and alignment which ultimately leads to a flourishing life. It prioritizes how life feels internally rather than what it looks like externally. It focuses on the process over the outcome. It's motivated by curiosity and compassion over control. It's one of flow and not force. When we can learn to cultivate this cyclical rhythm we begin to live out of our soft, feminine power and experience much more pleasure in the process of living our lives. This cannot be accomplished apart from the practice of self-reflection.  The sad reality is, too few women make time for this on a day to day basis.

Bear with me for a moment because this is important. Unfortunately, many women share with me that they don’t create space for consistent self-reflection. Some share that they don't know how to check in with themselves, to connect with and process their inner world; thought life and emotional landscape. Some do not see the importance of it and many share they do not like to be alone, in their own company, because of what that solitude and silence surfaces. This is one driving force behind why so many women keep themselves as busy as they do, but are feeling as burnt out and detached as they feel. Others believe time alone is selfish and experience guilt taking that time away from their responsibilities.  The truth is, It's easy to feel overwhelmed by things that we feel ill-equipped for or don't understand, but self-reflection is not a luxury. It is essential for a woman if she is to live a life of overflow that is connected to her femininity.  

According to Travis Bradberry, the author of "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" only 36% of Americans are emotionally intelligent and according to Psychologist Tasha Eurich, only 10-15% of Americans are self aware, while 95% consider themselves to be. We cannot claim to love ourselves while we continue to neglect ourselves and we must remember the fundamental truth that every relationship we have outside of ourselves is directly impacted by the one we have with ourself and, I'll add here, with our Maker. As a society, and as individuals, we have so much room to grow here! The good news is there is hope! Life can be so much better than what too many are settling for. This is where seeking professional support can help, a counselor or coach that specializes in helping women connect with their internal worlds and learn how to process them effectively. This is where I shamelessly plug myself 😘. If you want to nurture a healthier relationship with yourself; increase your self-awareness and emotional intelligence, discover your needs and how to set healthy boundaries, dismantle limiting beliefs, cognitive restructuring, identify self sabotaging patterns, recover from unprocessed grief or trauma, discover healthy coping mechanisms, find your voice, cultivate increased and sustainable inner strength and serenity no matter what swirls around you, etc. this is what I help women do, and I would LOVE to partner with you in your unique process.

I  will say its 100% true that as we learn to tend to our inner worlds, our outer reality benefits tremendously from it too, it really is a powerful and beautiful thing when we learn to live from the inside out rather than lives of reactivity to others and circumstances that are all too often outside of our control.

Back to the point I was making and to sum it all up, self-reflection and self-awareness are both very much required when it comes to setting mindful intentions and creating meaningful alignments that are connected with our feminine energy and propel us towards sustainable transformation. For many reading this post, setting time aside consistently to practice checking in with yourself is a good micro goal to start with. The feminine energy is a creative force that expands out of that cyclical rhythm of reflection and alignment. We must learn to embrace the sacred space of silence, solitude and self reflection. 

Instead of setting new years resolutions, or avoiding them altogether, I invite you to try something new this year: slow down, allow for silence, connect with your heart, reflect about your life and dream about how you want your life to feel and who you want to be.

• How do you feel in your life in the season you are now in? Burnt out, disconnected, scattered, numb, hopeful, centered, overwhelmed, loved, excited, inspired, sad, angry, depressed, anxious, content? Be honest with yourself, don't sugar coat it, we can’t overcome what we're unwilling to face.
• How do you want to feel in your day-to-day life? Dream into your ideal morning, how you feel when you wake up, your interactions throughout the day with family and friends, at work, in service to others, and the moment you lay your head on the pillow at night. How do you want to feel through all of it? Who do you want to be throughout all of it?

Once you’ve connected with how you want your life to feel and who you want to be, reflect on the micro and meaningful shifts you can make to align yourself with that vision. These “micro shifts” are more sustainable than drastic changes, keeping us in that "growth zone" and create meaningful progress over time. Write down your ideas and without getting overwhelmed, remind yourself that this isn’t about doing everything at once—it’s about cultivating sustainable growth by starting with one simple adjustment at a time.

A Mindset Shift for the Journey

It's important to remember that transformation isn’t about a destination or even perfection; it’s about practice and progress. Practice non-judgment (not looking at things as "good" or "bad") and adopt a growth mindset, focused on what you are learning about yourself, others and life through the journey. "Off" days—or even weeks—are part of the experience, accept and even learn to embrace this. We learn from them and then we reconnect with our “why,” realign with our vision and get back on track.

This year, I challenge you to try a more intuitive, compassionate approach to growth. We cant afford to settle into lives of apathy and we must let go of striving and instead lean into the hope, possibility, and the beauty of what life could be.

You don’t need to make a new years resolution, and I would strongly discourage you from setting any. We all benefit tremendously from the practice of self-reflection and a willingness to embrace micro shifts in a rhythm and pace that nurtures our authenticity and leads us towards the unique and flourishing lifestyle we were made for! 

Before I share with you a self-reflection activation prompt you can resource as you reflect and set some intentions for this new year, I want to let you know about the Living Beautifully Life Audit Program I offer. In this 6 week program I partner with you in an in depth assessment of up to ten different parts of your life that make your life complete, as is applicable. Through the 6 week process you receive a workbook filled with activations you work through over the course of our journey together, as well as weekly, one on one, sessions with me where I guide you through honest self reflection and equip you with tools and resources to help you create a life you feel connected, centered and confident in. This program is for the modern woman who is ready for more than settling for the status quo or living in auto pilot or survival mode. We help you come up with a vision and then create H.E.A.R.T centered goals aligned with that vision for you to grow into. It's a great way to start a new year, but also a wonderful way to reconnect with vision and purpose for your life no matter where you may find yourself on this journey, at any time of the year!

I want to offer you a self-reflection prompt you can engage on your own and invite you to reflect on your life and dream into the vision of who you would like to grow into as this new year begins to unfold. Every year, every day, every moment is rich with possibility, sometimes we just need a little reset or support!

If you want to learn more about a feminine approach to goal setting, check out my podcast episode "stop making new years resolutions, do this instead!"

Until next time, much Love and gratitude, 

Tanya 

Activation: Your 'mini' Life Audit

To help you get started, assess the quality  of your life with the following questions:

1. What’s flourishing?

   • What areas of your life feel aligned, fulfilling, joyful, hopeful or inspired?
   • Celebrate these parts of your life with genuine gratitude! 
   • This is your "green zone."

2. What's fine?

   • What areas of your life are coasting along just fine?
   • No immediate attention is needed.
   • This is your "yellow zone."
3. What's floundering? 
   • What areas feel heavy, hopeless, disconnected, or out of harmony?
   • These are areas that are weighing you down. You may feel overcome, discouraged or defeated and sense that these areas are in critical condition. 
   • This is your "red zone."
   • Out of these, which ones feel most pressing or urgent to address first? If there is more than one, list them in order of importance and begin with what is most important. 

4. What micro shift can you make?

   • Brain dump every idea you can think of that would help bring alignment and harmony into this part of your life, no idea is too big or too small. 
   • Focus on solutions. It's easy to convince ourselves of why things cant change, but consider what is outside of your control and practice acceptance and letting go while embracing and taking responsibility for what is in your control; your attitude, perspective, thoughts, how you process and express your feelings, choices, boundaries, needs, etc. 
   • From your list, choose one small step you can take to bring alignment to the area that needs the most attention that you will focus on.
   • Remember that there is wisdom and victory in council as well as strength in support. If you feel "in over your head" and cant see a way out, maybe it's time to find someone who specializes in overcoming what you're feeling overcome by.

5. Why does this matter?

   • Your “why” becomes your anchor when life gets busy or resistance creeps in.
   • Spend some time writing down why this change is so important to you.
   • What is the "status quo" costing you?
   • What do you have to gain as you begin to implement the transformation you're desiring.
   • What will these changes cost you and how will you let go of whatever you may be tempted to hold onto?
   • Why's really matter when it comes to personal growth, healing and transformation.